


Everyone needs a place. It shouldn't be inside of someone else.

by hyemiyah



Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-16
Updated: 2013-07-16
Packaged: 2017-12-20 08:14:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/885017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyemiyah/pseuds/hyemiyah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While Sungyeol is away, Hoya holds Myungsoo's hand</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everyone needs a place. It shouldn't be inside of someone else.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lirazel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lirazel/gifts).



Myungsoo feels Sungyeol’s absence like he felt the heat in their old dorm when the air conditioner broke down in the middle of the summer. It bothered him in every possible way and there was nothing he could do about it. Sungyeol was gone, off to Belize to film some survivor show in the jungle.  
  
  
  
Hoya is in the middle of one of his online English lessons when he feels a dead weight collapse next to him. He doesn’t have to turn to know said dead weight belongs to Myungsoo. Hoya’s been coming to Sungyeol’s room late at night because he doesn’t want to wake Dongwoo up with random English sentence repetitions and pronunciation checks, even though Hoya knows he is never going to wake his hyung up while doing so. The thing is, one night while he was in the middle of a lesson, Dongwoo had repeated the sentence he was trying to learn, startling Hoya in the process, not because of his impeccable pronunciation but because he was still asleep while doing it. Hoya ran out of the room terrified and tried to finish his lesson on the living room without much success. The recall of Dongwoo’s voice made him get goose bumps. After that night he vowed never to have his lessons in his and Dongwoo’s shared room again and opted for the living room but after Sungyeol’s departure, Hoya preferred to use his bandmate’s room, that way he wasn’t going to be startled every time one of the members went to the kitchen in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Myungsoo had found him in Sungyeol’s room one night, voice too excited to be referring to him in the middle of the night.  
  
“Yeol, you’re back!”  
  
“It’s me.”  
  
“Oh… I thought…”  
  
“Yeah, I know but it’s just me. Sungyeol is still in the jungle. I’m trying to improve my English. We sure need someone who can say something other than random words and fixed sentences.”  
  
Myungsoo goes silent after that. Hoya’s eyes return to the screen in front of him but he doesn’t need to look to know that Myungsoo is pouting.  
  
Hoya knows that their relationship is rather awkward. He doesn’t particularly feel uncomfortable around Myungsoo but he is aware that his presence somehow makes Myungsoo nervous, especially when they are alone. Hoya doesn’t know exactly why that might be nor has he stopped to think about it. He just lets it be. So he doesn’t understand why Myungsoo stayed in Sungyeol’s room with him all through dawn that first night. All Hoya did was concentrate on his lesson while Myungsoo lay next to him, not far but not much closer either, and read manwhas. Although Hoya is almost sure Myungsoo stayed there because Sugyeol’s scent filled the room.  
  
In a way, Hoya understands Myungsoo. Everybody else—including Sungyeol--seem to think Myungsoo’s love for Sungyeol is entirely non-romantic, a sort of innocent best friend infatuation that will go away as soon as Myungsoo falls in love for the first time, but Hoya knows best. He sees the despair and need for recognition in Myungsoo’s eyes--he sees a little bit of himself there and the way he is with Sungjong. So when Myungsoo laughs the loudest at one of Sungyeol’s jokes—one that Hoya is sure isn’t that funny—he sees himself mentioning Sungjong in their interviews, saying Sungjong’s sexy, Sungjong has the best voice in Infinite, Sungjong has an S line that most girls will envy, Sungjong is fearless. Sungjong Sungjong Sungjong. Sungyeol Sungyeol Sungyeol.  
  
It’s a bit comforting to know that someone else is having a one side love but Hoya still feels bad for Myungsoo. He is sure Sungyeol is Myungsoo’s first love—and possibly his first kiss too, if the quick touch of their lips during the pepero game counts. Hoya sometimes feels the need to protect Myungsoo from Sungyeol and from the rest of the world. It’s a sudden urge and it goes away as fast as it comes. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t think about it from time to time. He knows Myungsoo’s going to have his heart broken, sooner or later.  
  
The nights they spend together in Sungyeol’s room, both of them tired and silent, fill Hoya’s body with a genuine warmth that he had long forgotten he was capable of feeling. Ever since he found the reason why Sungjong came back to the dorm so late most nights and his heart had split into tiny particles that would take Hoya forever to put back together. The English lessons were just a lame excuse for him to have something to do while he waited for Sungjong’s return. Hoya disliked wasting his time when there was still so much he needed to improve.  
  
But now Myungsoo is laying next to him with his eyes closed. Hoya can feel Myungsoo’s body heat next to him and can see his foot moving, searching for something—someone. Dongwoo had once said that the only way Myungsoo was able to fall asleep was if his foot touched another person. Hoya isn’t a touchy person. It’s still really hard for him whenever Dongwoo touches his butt but he only goes with it because it’s Dongwoo, and Hoya knows he doesn’t do it on purpose. That’s just the way Dongwoo expresses his affection--a weird way of doing It but Hoya has long ago stopped trying to figure how Dongwoo’s brain works. Hoya doesn’t think too much about it and decides to put his foot on top of Myungsoo’s. After a short while he smiles a little when he hears Myungsoo’s soft snores.  
  
  
  
  
They’re performing Man in Love for the first time without Sungyeol and Myungsoo seems a lot more nervous than usual. He follows Sunggyu everywhere, even after the leader tells him to calm down, that everything is going to be okay. Hoya watches Myungsoo fail at trying to appear composed, he watches Myungsoo fidget manically with the hem of his jacket, watches Myungsoo touch his hair frantically, irritating the stylist noonas in the process. Hoya has always liked to pay attention to the little details in human behaviour and by now he is convinced what Myungsoo needs is not reassuring words but someone to hold onto. Sungyeol had always been Myungsoo’s support, the one who made him forget he had to meet the fans’ expectations with his lame jokes, the one who reminded him that behind the L mask, he was still Kim Myungsoo. Sungyeol’s sole presence soothed Myungsoo, and now with him being away, Myungsoo was like a lost puppy.  
  
Hoya sees Sungjong totally immersed in his phone, feels a sharp pain in his chest and sighs almost inaudibly. He decides to go look for Myungsoo and finds him trying to squish Dongwoo while sitting on top of him in a tiny couch.  
  
“Aish, this boy. Stop it!”  
  
“Hyung, I love you.”  
  
“I know you do but get off me!”  
  
“Do you love me?”  
  
“If I tell you I do, will you leave me alone?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Myungsoo.”  
  
Hoya sees Myungsoo freeze completely at the sound of his voice.  
  
“Please, Hoya. Save me! Tell him to get off me. I can’t feel my legs!”  
  
“Myungsoo, come with me for a while.”  
  
Myungsoo immediately obliges and he leaves the room with Hoya. Dongwoo’s voice is small in the distance.  
  
“Thank you, Howon-ah. I owe you my life.”  
  
They go inside one of the conference rooms, one that is dark and empty. Hoya switches the lights on.  
  
“Myungsoo. Are you okay?”  
  
Myungsoo nods.  
  
“Are you sure?”  
  
Myungsoo thinks for a few seconds and then shakes his head.  
  
“I know Sungyeol is not here and you are freaking out but you can’t kill Dongwoo hyung or disturb Sunggyu hyung, he still has a lot to discuss with the managers, you know he needs to check our schedules.”  
  
Hoya sees Myungsoo lower his head. He is still fidgeting with the hem of his shirt and his legs are shaking really bad so Hoya grabs him by the shoulders and feels Myungsoo’s whole body tense at his touch. He gently lifts his face, looks at him in the eyes and tells him it’s going to be okay.  
  
“You are going to sing Sungyeol’s part like you practiced and it’s all going to be fine.”  
  
Myungsoo’s eyes had always fascinated Hoya. They are so clear he thinks Myungsoo’s able to see people’s souls. Despite what people think of him and the image he portrays when they’re on stage, Myungsoo is still like a little kid. Always searching for recognition. Always following his hyungs. Always being one of the most earnest people he’s ever met. It’s kind of ironic, the fact that Myungsoo is the oldest in his family and Hoya is the middle child but still Hoya feels like he needs to take care of Myungsoo. At least until Sungyeol returns, he tells to himself. Plus, they can’t have a member breaking down now, least of all their visual.  
  
But then Myungsoo’s voice is small and sad, and his hands are clasped into fists so hard that Hoya can clearly see the bones down the skin.  
“Hoya, can I… can I… touch you?”  
  
Whilst Hoya is not a touchy person, Myungsoo is the total opposite. He is always touching people—people that he is the most comfortable with, people that are, of course, not Hoya.  
  
“It depends on what you want to touch. I will never let you touch my butt, I’ve had enough of Dongwoo hyung touching it and, to be honest, I’m kinda hesitating about our sub-unit’s come back. I felt violated most of the time while we were doing promotions. I don’t want to go through all that again.”  
  
Myungsoo’s eyes are big and round and so clear that Hoya feels like he is getting lost in them.  
  
“I guess you can touch me, you want to hold my hand?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
Myungsoo’s hands are sweaty. Hoya doesn’t mind.  
  
  
  
  
For the next few days, Myungsoo follows Hoya around a lot. Sometimes he holds the back of Hoya’s t-shirt. It’s a bit ridiculous but Hoya has always considered himself to be a little bit ridiculous, so he lets it be—he also likes how Myungsoo’s face lit up when he realises Hoya doesn’t really mind. And they keep going to Sungyeol’s room late at night. Myungsoo now finds Hoya’s foot without hesitation.  
  
  
  
  
Sungyeol comes back in the middle of the night. He is already in the dorm when they all get home after a long day rehearsing for their comeback. Showered and in his pyjamas, watching some melodrama on TV, limbs stretched out all over the couch.  
  
“Yeol is back! Missed me much?”  
  
Hoya can’t help but search for Myungsoo’s face, he had anticipated how Myungsoo was going to react but to actually see it happening is still amusing. Myunsoo runs, literally, over everyone else at the recognition of Sungyeol’s voice. And he is still wearing one of his shoes when he crushes his best friend in one of the most violently loving hugs Hoya has ever seen.  
  
“Yah, Kim Myungsoo. I know you missed me but get off me, I can’t breathe. You are breaking my ribs.”  
  
They all laugh. Myungsoo loosens his grip but he still doesn’t let go. Hoya thinks that Myungsoo will probably never let go as he helps Sungyeol strip his best friend off him.  
  
“Let him breathe, Myungsoo.”  
  
“Thanks, Hoya. Wait, are you two actually talking now?”  
  
“Myungsoo followed Howon everywhere while you were gone.” That’s Woohyun.  
  
“Wow, haven’t been gone that long and already cheating on me. Jerk.”  
  
Myungsoo doesn’t say anything for the longest time. He keeps grinning and watching everyone hug Sungyeol. Then Hoya sees Myungsoo hold the back of Sungyeol’s t-shirt and feel his heart sink a little. Everything will go back to normal now, he mutters to himself.  
  
  
  
  
Things sure go back to normal. Myungsoo goes back to orbiting around Sungyeol. Hoya goes back to taking his English lessons in the living room though he’s been stuck in lesson 13 for almost a week because he is unable to focus. He first blamed it on the change of rooms, he got used to Sungyeol’s bed, to Sungyeol’s scent still lingering in the room but then his foot unconsciously searches for a warm body that is no longer next to him, and he realises the reason he isn’t able to concentrate is because he misses Myungsoo’s presence.  
  
And that is a whole new idea that he needs to process because he’s sure he still has feelings for Sungjong, it’s just that he was so busy trying to hold Myungsoo together that he forgot about Sungjong—which is almost impossible because Hoya never forgets about Sungjong. He’s baffled.  
  
Hoya is in the middle of organizing his thoughts when he sees a shadow in the dark, terror sends shivers all over his body. He wants to yell “who’s there” but he is so horrified his voice isn’t coming out of his mouth and then he realises the shadow belongs to Woohyun and he is walking silently into Sungyeol’s room. Hoya’s head start to hurt. Who is going to be in charge of breaking Myungsoo’s heart? Who is going to tell Myungsoo that Sungyeol and Woohyun are sleeping together?  
  
  
  
  
It takes a while for Myungsoo to actually get used to the idea that Sungyeol doesn’t belong to him anymore—not that Sungyeol ever belonged to Myungsoo in the first place. But that doesn’t stop Myungsoo from following Sungyeol around. Woohyun has been nothing but patient with the whole situation but sometimes Myungsoo touches Sungyeol too much and it’s inappropriate and Woohyun gets irritated and moody and yells at Sungyeol and locks himself in his room. Myungsoo remains forever oblivious until Hoya intercedes.  
  
“Myungsoo, I know you missed your best friend but you can’t touch him like that now, he is in a relationship.”  
  
“Woohyunie hyung doesn’t mind.”  
  
“Yes, he does. He is just too polite and too fond of you to tell you in your face. Instead he gets angry at Yeol for letting you touch him and not setting boundaries.”  
  
“Does that mean Yeol doesn’t like me anymore?”  
  
“He didn’t like you in the first place. At least not the way you like him.”  
  
“Oh…”  
  
He’s hurt Myungsoo’s feelings. Hoya can tell. But somebody needs to educate this child.  
  
“What do I do now, Hoya? Why doesn’t Yeol like me?”  
  
Myungsoo’s eyes seem lost in sadness and pain. Hoya thinks it’s going to take him a while longer to come to terms with the fact that Sungyeol will probably never love him the way Myungsoo loves him.  
  
“He does like you, just not in the way you like him, okay? And stop touching him so much. It was inappropriate before, I don’t know why nobody told you.”  
  
“Oh… do they all dislike it… when I touched them? I… I didn’t know.”  
  
“No, they don’t dislike it. I’m sure Woohyunie hyung and Dongwoo hyung like skinship from time to time but you have to know when to stop.”  
  
“But… I don’t know… when to stop.”  
  
Myungsoo is such a little kid sometimes Hoya can’t resist the hearty laugh that escapes his throat. Myungsoo is still looking puzzled and his hands are twitching a little and Hoya can tell that he needs to touch someone. That this talk is making him nervous and he needs to feel a warm body under his palm to feel secure again. Hoya then, offers Myungsoo his hand, which he takes while still looking a bit sad.  
  
  
  
  
  
Sometimes (most of the time) Myungsoo is too transparent and Hoya likes the naivety that Myungsoo still holds dear. So he says random things that he knows will surprise and excite Myungsoo just to look at his reactions. This time Hoya asks Myungsoo to tell him which romance manwha he is reading and what’s it about. Myungsoo’s eyes shine and he is smiling so wide Hoya can’t help but smile himself.  
  
“It’s about this girl who is in love with this boy, only this boy is in love with another girl and that girl is in love with the boy who’s in love with the first girl.”  
  
“So it’s a square.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“A square. Instead of a love triangle, it’s a love square.”  
  
Just then Myungsoo gets it and proceeds to laughs the loudest. Hoya feels his heart beating fast in every muscle of his body.  
  
“A love square. That’s a good one.”  
  
“So, what’s going on with these kids?”  
  
“The girl is trying to get the boy to kiss him.”  
  
“Which one?”  
  
“The first girl with the last boy.”  
  
“I thought she didn’t love him.”  
  
“But he loves her.”  
  
“But she doesn’t love him.”  
  
“That doesn’t matter, she just wants to learn how to kiss so she can kiss the boy she likes with confidence.”  
  
“That’s not fair to the boy who does like her.”  
  
There’s a pause and then Myungsoo shifts from his position in the couch and faces Hoya, who is looking through the pages of one of the manwhas absentmindedly.  
  
“Hoya?”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Do you know how to kiss?”  
  
“Yes, I know.”  
  
“Can you teach me?”  
  
Hoya raises his head from the manwha he wasn’t reading. He now feels his heart in his throat.  
  
“Why do you want to learn?”  
  
“Just because…”  
  
“Are you going to use me too?”  
  
“…”  
  
“Okay, I’ll teach you. C’mere.”  
  
They are both facing each other. Hoya smells Myungsoo’s shampoo but his breathe is not as pleasant so he tells Myungsoo they should brush their teeth first.  
  
Hoya thinks this is one of the things he is going to regret, or maybe not. Myungsoo is still in love with Sungyeol and he is still in love with Sungjong, even if he doesn’t think about him as much as he used to. His heart still feels heavy whenever he sees Sungjong. But it doesn’t matter to him right now because Myungsoo is looking at him with his big dark eyes.  
  
“Just close your eyes. Are you ready?”  
  
Myungsoo nods.  
  
“Okay.”  
  
Myungsoo’s lips are way softer than Hoya had imagined. They are also very receptive and eager and Hoya lets out a little chuckle that Myungsoo kisses.  
  
“Are you sure this is the first time you kiss someone?”  
  
But Myungsoo is not letting him go, he locks their lips together again and he is biting Hoya’s lips and he is running his tongue through Hoya’s fangs and Myungsoo’s hand is touching Hoya under his shirt, and Hoya can’t stop laughing because he never thought Myungsoo would be so sexual. So he grabs Myungsoo’s face with his hands and Myungsoo’s eyes are so dark.  
  
“Myungsoo, calm down, you are biting my lips too hard, I can’t have bruises.”  
  
“I… I’m sorry… But Hoya? I like kissing.”  
  
“Who doesn’t?”  
  
Hoya starts kissing Myungsoo slowly now, Myungsoo lets out a little surprised moan that makes Hoya’s lower belly ache. But he knows Myungsoo is trying to go slow, even if his hips are not helping. And Hoya has to laugh again because Myungsoo just can’t seem to stay still. They kiss for a while longer, Hoya laughing into Myungsoo’s messy kisses half the time until he decides it’s time to release energy in a different way.  
  
They go to the practice room. Hoya tells Myungsoo he needs to get some dance moves from their new choreography right.  
  
“You may be handsome but you still dance like a drunk grandmother.”  
  
  
  
  
It’s very late at night when he hears Sungyeol and Myungsoo return from their practice. Hoya likes to think he is no longer waiting for Sungjong. That he is only doing what’s best for Infinite by staying up late and trying to learn English, every kpop group has at least a member who speaks English. Hoya wants to be that member. But deep in his heart he knows who he is waiting for now.  
  
He goes to the door to greet his bandmates but what he sees is going to leave a big ugly bruise in his heart. Myungsoo is kissing Sungyeol in the dark, standing by the doorway.  
  
“Gross!!! That’s it, Kim Myungsoo! I am never going out drinking with you again!” Sungyeol passes next to Hoya on his way to the bathroom. “Control your boyfriend, Hoya. He can’t go around kissing people who are already in a serious relationship.”  
  
“Hoyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~” Myungsoo’s body heat smells like alcohol.  
  
“What are you doing? Why are you kissing Sungyeol?”  
  
“I thought… maybe if I kissed him he would like me back.”  
  
“That’s not how it works.”  
  
“BUT IT HAD TO WORK!? WHY DIDN’T IT WORK? WHY DOESN’T HE LOVE ME?”  
  
“He just doesn’t. You can’t force people into falling in love with you.”  
  
Myungsoo starts crying and falls to the floor. Hoya has to help him up and almost carry him to his room.  
  
“Hoya? I’m sorry. It’s just… it hurts… here” Myungsoo puts a hand over his chest. “It hurts here, all the time.”  
  
“I know.”  
  
“Make it stop, Hoya. Please.” Myungsoo is sobbing so hard Hoya is afraid he is going to wake everybody up.  
  
“I will, but you have to be quiet, okay?”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
Hoya puts a hand in Myungsoo’s chest and rubs it softly until he is sure Myungsoo’s fast asleep.  
  
  
  
  
  
The next morning, Myungsoo can’t seem to meet Hoya’s gaze.  
  
“So in the end you were using me like the girl who used the boy in your manwha.” Hoya tries to laugh the pain off. He doesn’t know what else to do with it.  
  
“I’m sorry.”  
  
“Aren’t you hung over?”  
  
“I don’t think so… but Hoya.”  
  
“Yes?”  
  
“Why are you so good to me?”  
  
“Because I like you, dumbass, isn’t it obvious?”  
  
Hoya hadn’t meant those words to come out like that but Myungsoo was always so blunt it was driving him crazy. Myungsoo’s mouth drops open. Hoya is laughing again, more sincere this time. Myungsoo sure hadn’t seen this coming.  
  
“Wha… but I thought you… Sungjongie… you…”  
  
“Yeah, I thought so too but Sungjongie is not in love with me just like Sungyeolie is not in love with you. We’re the rejected club.”  
  
Myungsoo’s mouth is not entirely closed and his eyes are so wide open with surprise and Hoya is laughing so hard right now his stomach hurts.  
  
  
  
  
Sungyeol is the first to greet Myungsoo when he comes back from his schedule and even though Myungsoo is glad his best friend forgave him and started hanging out with him again, his heart feels warm all over at the sound of Hoya’s voice trying to say something random in English while looking at the screen of his laptop.  
  
“Oh, you’re back.”  
  
“Hi.”  
  
Myungsoo curls up on the floor next to the couch where Hoya’s laying on his stomach. Hoya’s palm softly brushes the back of Myungsoo’s neck and Myungsoo purrs.  
  
“Hoya?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“I like kissing you much better than I liked kissing Yeol.”


End file.
